[…]
I couldn’t possibly believe that this was really happening.
It didn’t seem real.
And I hesitated, took too long, and went into this sort of passive observer state.
Instead of somehow putting down my phone and reaching for the ball, I just sort of stunned as this ball came closer, and it hit on the steps just near me.
It bounced off the step.
And I could easily have put my phone down and stepped out into the step and had a good chance of catching this ball.
Now, there’s also a reasonable chance that I could have- could have hit me in the face.
Because the way this ball- it hit a step and then bounced up, straight up from the step, flew up into the air, and then landed several seats over from me.
So there would have also been a good chance that, you know, I could have attempted to catch it, leaning over it, and then it could have smashed me in the face.
That’s also a possible result.
But this- I mean, yeah, you know, it’s a random event, it’s a surprise event, but this really hit me.
It really bothered me.
I felt such regret that I had not responded to that moment, and I had allowed that moment to pass, and I missed that opportunity.
Possibly partly because I was too much in that phone state, where I wasn’t fully plugged in to the reality around me.
Partly I had a sense of I have a phone in my hand, and therefore I don’t want to drop my phone, and to make the play, I just- I’m gonna keep holding this phone, because I don’t want to put it down.
[…]
But also, I noticed how I went into this kind of passive state of not really responding to reality, and just sort of being in this kind of tuned-out state.
And so there was the regret over that missed opportunity.
But I really saw it as representative of part of how I was living my life, that I had let too many opportunities go by.
I was wasting too much time.
And what really hit me about that moment in particular was the idea of odds.
Because I was looking up the odds that a foul ball could be hit to somebody, and then it happened to me at that very moment.
And I thought, what are the odds? What are the odds that somebody would have a foul ball hit to them while they were looking up the odds of a foul ball being hit to them? I mean, it really sounds unbelievable.
If this was in a- if this was fiction, it would it would seem like a ridiculous coincidence.
I hate when there’s these, like, very big coincidences are big plot points in a story, because you just think wow, yeah, really, that’s not gonna happen.
That’s not likely.
But this happened, and it really is unbelievable.
The odds are simply off the charts.
It really could have been maybe the only time ever that somebody received a foul ball or had a foul ball hit near them while looking up the odds.
Because there’s not that many people.
Only- it’s very niche thing to say, you know, I’m gonna look up the of having a foul ball hit to me.
You know, it’s only- it’s a niche of people that would love to find out or that are curious about things like that.
But then this is something that would only take a moment.
So of all the time you’re at a game, your odds are one in hundreds or thousands of getting a foul ball near you.
Certainly hundreds of getting it near you.
But this was only a brief moment of looking this up.
The odds are incalculably small.
And I wouldn’t be surprised if it has happened at some point, somebody, the same thing.
But it would really be a coincidence This is really- so it made me realize that- it made me think of these- some odds are just beyond calculation.
They’re beyond number.
They really are effectively unique.
And that is life.
That’s what hit me: that life is unique.
Life is full of these unique combinations.
Yes, you know, humans- there’s lots of people doing lots of things, and lots of common things happen over and over.
But the unique combination of things, unique combinations of events: there are so many configurations of events that are so unique, they’re so improbable in their combination, that the odds are beyond number, that they really are effectively unique events, ever, and they may never happen again.
So this was just a really action-packed example, a very, like, in my face, almost literally in my face, example of this.
But this is something that happens in so many aspects of life, that every day that happens is a unique configuration that will never happen again.
It is unique.
And I realized that my reaction of being passively stunned and letting the moment pass by was an unacceptable response to this unique situation.
And this event was one of many that was part of contributing to me- to really driving this sense that it’s time for me to change my life, to take more active control of how I am living my life, and to do whatever it takes to not let life just pass me by, but to really try to seize these unique moments and to make the most of them while I’m here.